Okay.

[taffimai]

I think I'm done crying over this. I hope. I feel better, anyway. Well, alternating between utterly calm and pissed off.

I've said this to a couple of people, but I think one of the reasons this sort of thing is so hard for me is cultural. I grew up in an Orthodox Jewish community, and marriage and relationships were different there. It wasn't necessarily about true love, but it was good. It was about companionship and partnership and affection and unless something very unusual happened you didn't lose your partner unless they died. It was also true that all but the most awful people were married by the time they were 22.

I'm not saying that the way they did things was good or right or that anyone not in a relationship is inherently unlovable. I know that's not true, intellectually. But it is how I feel. I'm happier and more confident when I'm in a relationship, regardless of how good the relationship is (or isn't.) I don't understand people who are perfectly happily single.

natlyn says that it's stupid and I should work on getting over it. But as true as that may be, I don't know that it changes anything.

Comments

[rustydog.livejournal.com]

I grew up in a situation like that - different religious community, but similar patterns and assumptions regarding pairing off. I can testify that shedding that mindset for yourself isn't as easy as just knowing you want to or thinking you should. After several years, I think I can say that I am very content being single about 90% percent of the time, but even now doubts will creep back. You just... learn to live the way you can, and try to remember that *you* are valuable no matter what.

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Part of me doesn't want to shed it, honestly. I think that the way that they see relationships is much more healthy. I don't think you should put so much pressure on a relationship that it has to be true, perfect, and transcendant love.

But yeah, it puts a lot of pressure on you to be with someone. I don't know if I can change that.