Okay.

[taffimai]

I think I'm done crying over this. I hope. I feel better, anyway. Well, alternating between utterly calm and pissed off.

I've said this to a couple of people, but I think one of the reasons this sort of thing is so hard for me is cultural. I grew up in an Orthodox Jewish community, and marriage and relationships were different there. It wasn't necessarily about true love, but it was good. It was about companionship and partnership and affection and unless something very unusual happened you didn't lose your partner unless they died. It was also true that all but the most awful people were married by the time they were 22.

I'm not saying that the way they did things was good or right or that anyone not in a relationship is inherently unlovable. I know that's not true, intellectually. But it is how I feel. I'm happier and more confident when I'm in a relationship, regardless of how good the relationship is (or isn't.) I don't understand people who are perfectly happily single.

natlyn says that it's stupid and I should work on getting over it. But as true as that may be, I don't know that it changes anything.

Comments

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

Well, you feel what you feel. It doesn't matter if it's objectively stupid or not (not that I'm saying this is) -- it's what you feel. And damn, who doesn't feel like crap after a breakup? I don't think you should have to explain that.

How long were you together?

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Seven months. But it's the first time I'd fallen for someone in a while, and ... yeah, stupid.

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

Stop that! Not stupid to feel love, it's what makes us human. I'm so sorry you got hurt, but the only way not to get hurt is not to love. I've known people like that, and you are way too good to live that way!

OK, Aunt Pat stepping off soapbox now ;)

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Hee, soapboxes are fun, no worries.

[crystalshard.livejournal.com]

Pissed off is good. Pissed off means that you've stopped reacting and started thinking.

There's no set time linit to 'get over' a relationship, so don't worry if it takes more or less time than you think it should. It'll happen when it happens. Time, and a bit of mental spring-cleaning, are about the only two cures for an injured heart that I know of. The rest of them just delay the reactions you need to have.

I'm one of those strange people who is perfectly content being single, but I can understand the need to be with someone - one of my exes is like that. He needs a relationship, and I can't fault him for that. I certainly can't say anything about the way you were brought up, because it seems like a good and loving way.

Life goes on, sweetheart. That's all I can say. Oh, and did you want that fic? If so, chuck me a prompt and I'll write you something.

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think pissed off might be good. Certainly better than feeling like I'd had my guts ripped out.

Just to clarify, I don't mean to say that I don't respect people who are happily single. I do, very much. I admire them quite a lot, actually.

And yes, fic would be lovely. Anything with Jack. Nine or Ianto would be perfect, but no Ten please. Or Gen. Gen is good. Prompts: Nature, shivering, music. Feel free to use all or some or none. Thank you!

[crystalshard.livejournal.com]

*makes notes* Right. I can smell Jack and Nine on an alien planet coming up. If I get sneaky, I can go a bit Lord of the Rings-elflike and stuff Ianto in there too.

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Ianto or not, that sounds like fun!

[chatona.livejournal.com]

While personally, I believe that a relationship shouldn't be the key to happiness and everyone should work on being happy on their own, I know it's almost impossible to really change the way you feel about something, even if you know, intellectually, that it might not be true or the best possibility.

Still, I suppose as long as you know it intellectually, that's good.

Also? *offers hug and cookies*

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

I know you're right about being happy on your own, but you're also right about it not being easy to change that. I think I'm okay on my own for now. Which is something. Maybe.

And ... ooooh, hugs and cookies! Thank you!

[chatona.livejournal.com]

Being okay on your own is definitely a start, especially if the mindset you described is still ingrained.

Chocolate chip cookies *nods*

[miss-zedem.livejournal.com]

Oh hon *hugs you* I know what you mean, I function better in a relationship than I do out of one too. This can't be an easy time - just go with it, and take as long as you need to come to terms with the end of the relationship. Take care *more hugs*

And seeing as I don't have anything else to offer, if you give me a prompt I'll see if I can rustle up a ficlet for you too *blatently steals crystalshard's idea* ;)

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Glad I'm not the only one. And I'm glad you have someone to be with.

Wow, if I knew all I had to do to get fic was get my heart broken, I'd have done it sooner. Well, no, I wouldn't have. But saying it makes it sound like I'm doing well, doesn't it?

Hmmm, prompts. Well, same character rules as above: Jack and no Ten. Either Nine or Ianto. Or gen. Prompts: Bookshelves, water, leaves. Use whichever you like. And thank you!

[rustydog.livejournal.com]

I grew up in a situation like that - different religious community, but similar patterns and assumptions regarding pairing off. I can testify that shedding that mindset for yourself isn't as easy as just knowing you want to or thinking you should. After several years, I think I can say that I am very content being single about 90% percent of the time, but even now doubts will creep back. You just... learn to live the way you can, and try to remember that *you* are valuable no matter what.

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Part of me doesn't want to shed it, honestly. I think that the way that they see relationships is much more healthy. I don't think you should put so much pressure on a relationship that it has to be true, perfect, and transcendant love.

But yeah, it puts a lot of pressure on you to be with someone. I don't know if I can change that.

[crayonbreakygal.livejournal.com]

*hugs and chocolate*

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Thanks, sweetie.

[justhuman.livejournal.com]

Never apologize for what you're feeling. Sometimes it might be "better" (whatever that means) for us to feel another way or to try and get past our feelings, it's not like we can help it. Feelings are real no matter how much we may not want them.

And nothing wrong with wanting companionship. Humans are very social creatures and even us sometimes hermits want our friends or family near at hand even if we don't want them there all the time. Nothing wrong about being inclined the other way.

*snuggles*

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks, honey, I appreciate it.