A Dumb Question

[taffimai]

Whenever I go to the doctor, they ask me if there's any chance I could be pregnant. Now, as I do not have sex with men, I find it pretty easy to answer this question.

But I've never understood how straight, sexually active women in the second half of their cycle are supposed to answer that question. Because even if they're using birth control, it's only 99% effective, so there's always a chance they could be pregnant, but they haven't missed a period yet so they wouldn't really know. Is this just code for, "have you missed a period?"

Just curious.

Comments

[fandom-me.livejournal.com]

Not really. Generally they really want to hear if you've had (PIV) sex since your last period, and if so they'll take precautions.

/random.

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Yay! Thank you!

Last time I was asked, I answered, "Not unless there's something my girlfriend hasn't told me." The nurse nearly choked laughing.

[fandom-me.livejournal.com]

ROFL. I bet she did, and I bet it was awesome.

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

I love playing with the straights. More fun when they're good sports about it, and she was.

[fandom-me.livejournal.com]

...I'm putting myself in time out for how I almost replied to that.

So! How're you doing?

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Oh? Do tell!

Me? Well, I had my Very Painful Treatment Thingy (TM) today, so am still vibrating a little. But! Am on my way to NYC to see the gf, and thus am smiley anyway.

[fandom-me.livejournal.com]

It was Lewd and Will Make You Bop Me. Or tell me to get sleep. *grins*

Ow! I'm sorry about that, but BIG yay about the trip and girlfriend.

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

*considers* What if I promise to let you stay up until 10?

[fandom-me.livejournal.com]

*eyes you*

It was just a really bad pun on 'playing with the straights' after I spent way more time than I should admit recently with gay porn (It was research for that twins thing.)

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Ah. Okay. One of those, "it's not as funny as this conversation has been long" kind of thing, huh?

[fandom-me.livejournal.com]

Yep, definitely.

Also really close to turning into a really long pondery post about various porn, and differences depending on who it's made for and just. My brain's barely stringing words.

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Long pondery posts are better left at one a day, I think. *cuddles you*

[rustydog.livejournal.com]

Snerk. Sounds fun. :)

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Awww, Cordy/Fred icon! I miss my dead gay show.

[miriam-heddy.livejournal.com]

Seriously? I've been with the same guy for 18 years now and I've got two kids (and one on the way) and I've never known how the hell to answer that question.

How hard would it be, really, to just ask, "Have you had intercourse since your last period?"

[fandom-me.livejournal.com]

You would seriously think they'd find it possible to phrase it better. My OB-GYN in Michigan did. Since then I just asked once, made sure that was what they meant, and moved on.

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

That certainly seems more straight forward!

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

I think it's code for "Is there any chance I'll get sued if I prescribe you this medication which is Extremely Likely To Cause Birth Defects?"

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

LOL! Okay, makes sense.

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

There are certain procedures and meds that are more harmful to fetuses than women, so they have to ask. Generally they follow that question up with "when was the date of your last period?" so they can be sure.

I'm married, and Maze has had a vasectomy, so I usually reply with "hubby is neutered", which also makes them crack up.

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've had that follow-up question when I don't volunteer my sexual orientation immediately. Since my body is a little FUBAR, I generally reply "6 months ago" and they blink a lot. Then I get the "are you sexually active?" and they blink more when I say yes. Usually I take pity on them at that point and come out.

[rustydog.livejournal.com]

I get all my Lady Doctoring at the Planned Parenthood clinic, since they're cheaper and I love the doctor. Maybe they're more PC or something - the first question they always ask me is "When was your last sexual contact?" Oh, wait, I just remembered that they take a urine sample from everybody before they even let you back to the exam room, so maybe they don't even have to ask the pregnancy question. They just *know*. Huh.

But yeah, my assumption would be that they have to cover their asses for if they prescribe any medication that could be harmful to a hypothetical or real fetus. When I take groups of students to get MMR vaccinations every semester, we have to separate out the girls and tell them to inform the nurse if there's even the remotest chance they could now be or soon become pregnant, because the vaccination could hurt the baby.

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guess it makes sense if it's just a CYA thing, I was just wondering how exactly you were supposed to answer it!

[rustydog.livejournal.com]

It's like those questions they ask when you donate blood - a simple "no" would suffice, but considering personal circumstances, they can seem intensely silly. Especially since on one hand, they're trying to respect your privacy, but on the other hand, they're asking questions like "Have you ever had sex with a man who has had sex with a man who had sex with monkeys below the 30th parallel in Africa before 1984?" And you're thinking, "We could just skip the next 15 questions if you'd let me tell you I've NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MAN." Heh.

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

LOL! Yes, exactly. The nurse and I are usually rolling our eyes at each other by the time we get halfway through that section!

[dameruth.livejournal.com]

The variation on that that really used to bug me, back in college, is the way the Student Health Center seemed to assume every young woman who came to see them WAS pregnant, no matter what. They would even diagnose you as such -- "you're probably pregnant, there's a lot of that going around," almost -- even if you went in with very non-pregnant symptoms. It got so bad, you'd hear people joking about it (e.g., "Damn, I think I'm getting a sore throat." "Uh-oh! You must be pregnant!")

Student Health would persist in this even if you informed them that it was unlikely-to-impossible. I haven't led the wildest life, and for many years was able to answer the "do you think you might be pregnant" question with, "Only if it's the Second Coming of the Messiah," which usually just confused the medical staff. Later, I would frequently answer with, "The last time I had sex we used protection, it was six months ago, and I've had my period right on time that whole while." To which they would usually respond, "Are you SURE about that?"

Gah. No, lady. Every female college student on campus regularly drinks herself into a stupor at frat house parties and wakes up the next morning wondering where their underwear went. *Grumph!*

'Course, then there was the time my (married) friend, who was a student, and had been *trying* to get pregnant went in for confirmation of her home test. Apparently, when the results came back, the staff freaked,a nd started trying to "counsel" her about her "options." My irritated friend told them about six times that this was a *wanted* child, and was very irritated that they wouldn't listen to her.

There was a reason we all called the place "Stupid Health."

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

Hee! Yes, we had the same thing: you went to the Health Center and had a 99% chance of either being diagnosed with mono or being told you were pregnant. I think it's fairly universal.

[halfspokenwords.livejournal.com]

It must be. A few years ago Student Health convinced me I had mono-- before they did a blood test, which was (of course) negative. It was that much worse because I had gone there specifically to make sure I didn't have mono, so I couldn't even dismiss it out of hand.

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

*facepalm* I swear, they must get mono meds kickbacks or something.

[nuptse.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, that's always a fun one to answer, innit?

I've had my tubes plugged and haven't had sex in three years and I still get asked it at the doctor's. I think if you are in possession of a vagina, they're always going to ask.

[taffimai.livejournal.com]

I don't mind them asking, I just wasn't sure how sexually active straight girls answered it. But I'm glad to know that even the straight girls don't really know. *grin*

[nuptse.livejournal.com]

I was one of the first my gyno tried the Essure procedure on (a new type of tubal ligation) and he was very interested at my last yearly checkup to know how it was fairing.
I felt somewhat guilty to tell him that I hadn't 'tried it out' actually.

But yeah, I guess they have to assume certain things, and it sort of pisses me off to have to admit I haven't even been near enough to a man for anything to matter. I just tell them I'm not sexually active and that's that.

[crayonbreakygal.livejournal.com]

One time I went in for a really sore throat and they asked me that question and I said maybe because we'd been trying all of three weeks. The doc didn't believe me and then misread the test. I get home with prescription for antibiotics in my hands and a nurse calls me frantically to tell me the test was really positive. I was three weeks along. Stoopid doctor. I think the nurse was really annoyed with him.

[stakebait.livejournal.com]

"Yes, but it is unlikely; I'm on the pill plus condoms" is how I usually answer that question if I've had potentially procreative sex since my last period.

(At the emergency room they give you a pregnancy test no matter how you answer.)